Tuesday, November 29, 2005
Monday, November 21, 2005
Alyssa is two! Her birthday was Saturday. She was so cute. We had alittle party at Chuck E. Cheese. She was really excited to see some of her friends. Thanks for all who got to come. We had a busy day. I'm looking forward to the three's already. These terrible twos started alittle early. HAHA.
Friday, November 18, 2005
No work for me next week. And man am I excited. Not much going on just taking some vacation time before the end of the year. I like to save most of my vacation for this time.
Tomorrow is little Alyssa's 2nd birthday. We are taking her to Chuck E. Cheese. (I know~~ sooo much fun) We are arriving early hopefully to beat the crowd. Then maybe on Sunday drive down to south Georgia to see some of Brett's family.
I can't believe that it is Thanksgiving already. Eventhough I hate winter I am glad that it finally turned cooler for the holidays. It wouldn't be the same in 90' weather . Will anyone else get up at 4:00 am to shop on Friday? My mom, sisters and I usually do this. I really don't know why. Tradition I guess. I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving.
And now a rare appearance from......
Thursday, November 17, 2005
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
Monday, November 14, 2005
Friday, November 11, 2005
Ode to Brett. He had a colonoscopy today........
HOW TO POOP AT WORK> > We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brewing down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, following is the Survival Guide for taking a dump at work.> >
CROP DUSTING> When farting, you walk really fast around the office so the smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't know where it came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left your pants.> >
FLY BY> The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. P eople may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.> >
ESCAPEE> A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.
JAILBREAK> When forcing a poop, several farts slip out like a machine gun. This is> usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do> not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom to spare> everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.> >
COURTESY FLUSH> The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop hits the water. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.> >
WALK OF SHAME> Walking from the stall, to the sink, then to the door after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you out. As with farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.> >
OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER (O.O.T.C.P.)> A colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it. You will often see an O.O.T.C.P. enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the O.O.T.C.P. before entering the bathroom.> >
THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N)> A group of co-workers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of O.O.T.C.P.'s, and identify SAFE HAVENS.> >
SAFE HAVENS> A seldom-used bathroom somewhere in the bui lding where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.>
TURD BURGLAR Someone who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a poop at work. If this occurs, remainin the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.> >
WATERMELON> A poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on while someone else is in the bathroom, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.> >
CAMO-COUGH> A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.> >
ASTAIRE> A subtle toe-tap that is also used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you> are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is> occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the> pooper can poop in peace.> >
HAVANA OMELET> A case of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a Camo-Cough in conjunction with an Astaire.> >
UNCLE TED> > A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An Uncle Ted makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to poop when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees
Please study this Survival Guide and implement them into your daily routine!
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
Hate - verb- "To feel intense hostility or animosity toward"
Hate is a strong word, one that has caused great rifts in our society and great pain in many relationships. It's also a word that most of us utter nearly every day. I don't actually "hate" anyone that I know, but I hate dozens of inanimate objects and certain things that pop in on my TV. So I have compiled a little collection of a few random things that absolutely make me want to scream. It's nice to be able to vent . Please add comments.
These little ba*#$%ds should be #1 on this list. I like ketchup. I especially like it with fries. The thing is, I only get about five fries worth of ketchup out of every packet. If I have a plate of fries, that means I need to awkwardly open and squeeze out SEVERAL ketchup packets to enjoy my meal. Those things arent always easy to open. I will estimate that it takes me 20 seconds to rip open and squeeze out each packet (as your hands get greasy, it becomes more difficult). I am wasting several minutes doing this.
I go to places like Target, Best Buy and Home Depot quite often. You probably do too. The service at those places is almost always horrible, but you wouldn't think so judging by the commercials. How come in the Best Buy commercials they portray well-dressed, well-groomed middle-aged employees smiling and giddy about helping out the customers? I've never had an experience like that. Usually, I have to hunt down some long-haired teenager so I can ask him some question about my I-Pod.
Commercials showing happy and generous employees at these stores are just as false as perfectly melted cheese, crisp lettuce and fresh-grilled burgers in Wendys commercials. The burgers in reality are lopsided, mushy, and greasy.
Okay, has anyone ever actually plucked one of these from their People or TV Guide, filled it out and mailed it in? I hate these things. It's hard enough to find the article I'm looking for without these things getting in my way and falling out all over the place. You know. I'm siin the inthe doctor's office waiting to be seen. I pick magazine and a subscription cards falls all over the floor. That just gets on my nerves.
-People Who Don't Pay Attention While Driving.
I don't like when I'm in the turning lane behind some dude who isn't paying attention and I miss the turn errow or light. Some of these motorists are out of control. If you can't talk and drive at the same time, save your conversation for the home or office. Come On People!!
-Commercials About STD's
-"I could care less"
People- stop saying it. It doesn't make sense. Say, "I couldn't care less." Tell other people to say it too. Help the cause.
-Time between Season Finales and Season Premiers.
The other day at lunch my total came out to $4.03. There wasn't a little penny tray, and although I sighed and gave the cashier that "help me out, man" look- he didn't offer to just take my four dollars. So I had to give him five dollars and had to take 97 cents. Hate that. Why do they price things to come out that way?
-Teenagers Who Think That Itty Bitty Clothes Are Cool.
Are you kidding me? It looks horrible. Every time I see this violation it takes all of my strength not to walk right up to them and say "Did you know that your belly is showing, try not to use the heat when drying your clothes!" Poor Alyssa! If this is cool she will not be. What gets me is that someone has to be buying such things. Some parents today are a mess. Do they just not care? I would never let my child walk out of the house. Which lead me to......
Again~ are you kidding me???? Over and over again I see this. And Yes they can. Take off your blinders and wake up before its too late. I'm sure Ted Bundy's parents thought the same thing.
That's all for now but I plan on updating this list periodically. Please forward me some more "hates" to add to the list.
Monday, November 07, 2005
Do you know why Mommy's and Daddy's differ?
1. Mommy's have routines and like to stick to them.
Daddy's do not. ~ I, for one, have a routine at night and in the morning. And I stick to it by the minute. If something throws off my routine I feel really, really rushed. Alyssa is to go to bed between 8:15 and 8:30. Alyssa and I had an understanding about this. ( It only took 1 month but she had it down.) But Daddy goes and throws her routine off. Daddy's little girl. That's what she is. Every night he lets her fall asleep in our bed then tries to move her to her room. Parents~~~~This will create a monster. Before his shift change she was asleep by 8:45. Not anymore.
2. Mommy's at all times usually know where their children are.
Daddy's do not.~ I worked all last weekend at the Atlanta Motor Speedway. On Sunday mid-morning I get a phone call saying "You won't believe what your daughter has done!" Now she's "my daughter. " My little artist had taken a thick permanent SHARPIE and decided to add "color" to my kitchen cabinets, drawers, table and door. "Where were you?" I thought. Enough Said!
Speaking of Alyssa~ I received another "love note" from a worker at her school. (It was a sub and not her regular teacher) The note said that Alyssa was being defiant. Defiant? What does that mean for a two year old? I know that Alyssa's little personality is coming out and she is testing her boundaries. But defiant is such a strong word for her age. Dont you think? I just shook my head. The next day I did confront the sub. And we talked it through. Alyssa is being very, very difficult right now. She is definitely going through the terrible twos. Our eating out days are coming to an end I'm afraid.
*Apologies to Julie and Rodney for Alyssa biting Macy at school**
Tuesday, November 01, 2005
and Keith was Mr. Clean again this year! (HAHA)
Here's a group shot of Willie Wonka, Anakin Skywalker, The Flash and Minnie Mouse.